I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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