I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this just has baby written all over it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
