I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize