he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
