he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need to calm my uterus...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
