Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
