Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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