I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
