It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
