it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
