Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
