Ambien. No doubt about it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
