he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
