Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's blow job season.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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