So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
