Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
