My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
