I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
