I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
