just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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