I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
