she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
