he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
