I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is my gift to your gina
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
