I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
