Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
