Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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