fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
