His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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