Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
