I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
