matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
