I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
