we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
