did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
