just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize