Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
