the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize