I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
