walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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