you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
