peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
