I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
