those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
