I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
