first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
