Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize