Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
