how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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