I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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