I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
