Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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