you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
