Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
