pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
