Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
