As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
