i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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