you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
