We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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