Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
