Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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