Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
