he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
