it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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