and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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